dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
