I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
