I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
