I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
