Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize