I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
