a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
