if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
