if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He shit in the fireplace
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
