He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
