ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize