my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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