i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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