What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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