At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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