He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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