so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
