could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
