Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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