if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
