Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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