i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
