Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize