forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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