I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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