I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
