I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize