I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
