So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
