We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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