I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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