We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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