she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
