on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
