My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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