The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
