god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
