fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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