Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
