$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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