I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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