why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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