angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
