ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
