i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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