Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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