I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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