You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
