It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
