Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if only i could text you this smell
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
