drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
