he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
