Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I love you.
Bad choice
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize