Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
