He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
