Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
