i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
