The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
