my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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