im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
