So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
