I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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