This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
