Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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