my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
