return my video game
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
