he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
