Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
