the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
