She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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